Help, must have laughs...

Ogg · Post by **Ogg** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 12:14 pm

I'm hoping my surrogate family can help to lift the ever prevailant blues from my evening of solitude. Various family members all dressed up and gone out into the real world (I'm sure I have a wife somewhere..?) and I'm home after a 12 hour working day. It's raining and I've had to attempt nourishment via the microwave

Same old, same old...and I'm thoroughly fed up, sigh.
'Signals' providing the ambience and in the process of rolling a fat one to help compensate.

Any jokes, funny pics or Neil Peart kits you're willing to give to me will be greatly appreciated.

for the adolescent males

http://www.flabber.nl/img/boob.cursor.wallpaper.php or

http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

*Lifesonite · Post by *Lifesonite » Fri Apr 30, 2004 12:29 pm

Always thinking of us

Thanks

Zivo · Post by **Zivo** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 12:34 pm

Thanks for the funny webpage, Ogg! The funniest thing I can suggest to you is this:
www.happytreefriends.com
If you've not been there before, just click on an episode or two. You're sure to get a giggle

EndlesslyRocking · Post by **EndlesslyRocking** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 12:39 pm

A woman with three kids is preparing for her oldest son's 16th birthday. She is a neat, tidy woman with great attention to detail.

As she's making his cake, she decides to put some fancy silver sugar balls on top of his cake (a kind of cake decoration you find at the store). She checks her cupboards and finds she doesn't have any of these. But now she can't get the idea out of her mind. She checks with her neighbors, who don't have any either. She doesn't have time to go to the store, but she can't let it go.

Finally, she goes into the garage and uses a box of BB's to decorate the top of the cake, thinking she can remove them prior to anyone eating it. Proud of the shiny, beautiful cake, she moves on to other chores.

About a half hour later, her youngest child comes to her and says "Mom, I've got a problem"

"What is it?"
"I just went to the bathroom and BB's came out."
"Oh, my! Did you touch your brother's cake?"
"uh...Yeah" the boy says.
"Well, don't worry about it. And Don't Touch Your Brother's Cake!"

The woman returns to her work, when the middle child appraoches her.

"Mom, I've got a problem"
"What is it now?"
"I just went to the bathroom and BB's came out"
"Did you eat your brother's birthday cake too?"
"Yes, Mom. I'm sorry"
Exasperated, she replies "You'll be fine. Now leave the damn cake alone!"

Realizing that this was not really her best idea, the woman goes downstairs to remove the remaining BB's and try to fix the cake. Suddenly, her 16 year old comes running in.

"Mom, I've got a BIG problem!!"
"I know, I know. You just went to the bathroom and BB's came out, right?"
"NO!" her son replies, "I was jacking off in the back yard and I shot the dog!"

Ogg · Post by **Ogg** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 2:10 pm

"I was jacking off in the back yard and I shot the dog!"

I loooove HTF Zivo, downloaded Volume one recently, sick but so funny.

Thankyou for your time this evening.

Zivo · Post by **Zivo** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 5:11 pm

Anytime, Ogg. Glad you likey

Mr. Potatoe Head · Post by **Mr. Potatoe Head** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 5:31 pm

"I was jacking off in the back yard and I shot the dog!"

[/quote]

just don't be jackin off in front of your sisters

In bed that night

the husband rips a good one and kills his wife,

The Snow Dog · Post by **The Snow Dog** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 9:46 pm

an old man is smoking a cigar when his grandchild comes up. the child says "Hey Grandpa, can I have some of that?" the old man replies, "well, can your penis touch your butt?" the kid shakes his head, and so the old man says 'then no"

the next day, the kid comes across his grandpa drinking a beer. "Hey grandpa, can I have a swig?" "well, can your penis touch your butt?" the kid shakes his head again, and the old man again waves him away.

the day after, the old man comes across the kid eating some cookies. "say grandkid, can I have a cookie?" the old man asks. "can your penis touch your butt?" the kid asks, and the old man nodds his head, "of course"

the kid looks at him and says "well, you'd better go fuck yourself then, 'cause you're not getting any of my damn cookies!"

Xanadu · Post by **Xanadu** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 9:48 pm

Ogg · Post by **Ogg** » Sat May 01, 2004 4:05 pm

was

but now

Medinaquirin · Post by **Medinaquirin** » Sat May 01, 2004 7:59 pm

Anybody got anymore funnies? In desperate need of a laugh here.

Sir Myghin · Post by **Sir Myghin** » Sat May 01, 2004 9:25 pm

never heard the first joke before thats hilarious!

The Snow Dog · Post by **The Snow Dog** » Sun May 02, 2004 8:18 pm

this one is fresh from England! a pal o mine just got back, here goes:

two crewmen are sitting around in the lounge on a ship, when they realize that no one has been by in quite a while. confused, they go out into the hall. empty. one calls out, but no one answers. "allright," says one, "i'll search A deck for people, you search C, and we'll meet in B at the bar."

they search both decks high and low, and find no one. finally they end up at the bar, and still no sign of anyone.

one looks at the other and says "oh, lets' check the dance hall!"

"why?" says the other.
"well," he says, "I think I heard the captain say there was a band on ship"

these ones may be offensive... but they're funny, so if you're easily offended... sorry folks.

A priest, a pediphile and a pervert walk into a bar, and that's just the FIRST guy...

Knock Knock
who's there?
little Boy Blue
little boy blue who?
Michal Jackson

what do you do after raping a blind, deaf and dumb girl?

what?

break her fingers so she can't tell her mom.

if you don't like 'em, PM me and i'll edit this post. or if they're modded, i'll understand. but they're FUNNY dammit! in a sick kind of way.

Sir Myghin · Post by **Sir Myghin** » Sun May 02, 2004 8:23 pm

those are funny

Walkinghairball · Post by **Walkinghairball** » Mon May 03, 2004 7:38 pm

This little boy is taking a shower with his grandmother. "G'ammy, what is that", as he points to her crotch. "Thats my beaver", says his grandmother. Well after a few days or so the little boy is in the shower with his mommie and he says, "hey mommie, I know what that is", as he points to her crotch. "Uh, what honey", says his mother. "It's your beaver". "How do you know about that honey." "Well", says the boy, "G'ammy has one too, but I think it's dead because it's tongue is hanging out and it smells really icky."